Becoming a Mom of Two Under Two: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

With a baby on the way and a toddler just about to turn 18 months I knew I needed advice from other parents with experience raising two kids under the age of two. I truly appreciate the amount of feedback I’ve gotten from friends, family, and other mom bloggers on this topic. It was great that everyone kept it real and didn’t try to sugarcoat the realities of adding a new child into our family.

The number one takeaway I got from all the advice is that I should accept that life is going to be rough. Having two children under the age of two is going to be challenging, especially being a stay-at-home mom. There are also going to be sweet moments I won’t want to miss for all the craziness in the world.

This post contains affiliate links. Please see affiliate disclaimer here.

Harsh Realities

Laura from Excuse the Mess has children 18 months apart. She says that the reality of having two under two is not pretty and life gets really tough as soon as the youngest turns one. Specifically;

They begin to fight with each other.
One of them is ALWAYS grumpy AF.
One of them is ALWAYS awake. – I really dislike this reality! Naptime is when I am most productive around the house.
There’s always a phase.
Going out of the house feels like a freaking marathon.
They feed off of each other.

Another mom blogger who had two under two, Kaylee (Mama & More), summarized that in the first year with both kids she had some of the highest highs and the lowest lows.

“As soon as you feel confident in your mothering abilities things change. The first thing this year has taught me is that kids don’t stay the same. Sleep routines, personalities, behaviors, favorite foods… everything changes! The good and the bad.
But there was a period there when things felt dark. I was tired and drained, physically and emotionally, and did not know how to be the mom they needed.
What I know now, after a year of many ups and downs, is that it is okay to struggle. I used to think I really understood this, but when I was in it, I thought I was so wrong. I felt awful for not being giddy about every single moment of childrearing.”

Kaylee’s post really resonated with me even just dealing with a high need child such as Cora. It is nice to read about other moms who have the same struggles. Knowing that they persevered until everything changed again means I can too.

Change was a similar theme in the advice Catherine from Ten Thousand Hour Mama gave me. She wants me to remember that a sibling relationship isn’t static; it’s always changing. One minute they will love each other and the next minute the kids won’t be able to stand each other. They will fight and that’s okay!

“Having a brother or sister means they can figure out how to navigate relationships in a safe space. So even when they fight, know it’s a completely natural, common and even healthy expression of being a brother or sister!”

How to Survive

When I asked for advice on how to handle the transition from one to two children I was given a ton of recommendations. The advice ranged from specific little tips (grocery shop online) to broader suggestions (learn to go with the flow).

What I heard over and over again is GET HELP!!

I love that Lori from Mommy by the Minute told me to find something that my toddler can and will do all by herself – even if it is watching TV. This piece of advice I truly appreciate. I already feel guilty about allowing Cora to watch a program or two most days. But if I am breastfeeding a newborn, television might be the only thing that keeps Cora’s attention long enough to finish a feeding session.

I also bought a number of new toys at a consignment sale that I plan on bringing out to keep Cora distracted and entertained. In the post Best Gifts for a 1 Year Old, I wrote about the items Cora has enjoyed the most this year.

A friend told me to make sure to have “special mom-kid time or dad-kid time” with your older child. Even 10-15 min of dedicated time (no phones or screens) to just be with your older child really goes a long way! This is such good advice and she reiterated that there will probably be lots of screen-time during the first few months.

Laugh things off is what Nicole (Bitter Sweet Beans) advised and to always have the coffee pot ready to be turned on. I am not a big coffee drinker but I may need to start. I have already bought Alex tons of coffee for his paternity leave.

Another friend said that going to sleep by 9 pm (as an adult) is okay. Also, I need to remember that I am the boss. I totally get where he is coming from, I often feel as if Cora runs the show. I definitely need to be stronger. He also said to celebrate the small victories. It can be so easy for me to focus on the negative, celebrating small victories is fantastic advice.

Dara (Dara Simons) is another two under two mom and suggests to lower my standards and to use my crockpot often.

“If your kids are taken care of and you get a chance to take care of you, it’s a good day. Everything else can wait.”

Alyssa who blogs at Mamalyssa wrote to me and said to ask for help. She reminded me that it is okay to not know what to do all the time or be able to do everything you think is expected of you. I place a lot of pressure on myself to get everything checked off my to-do list. I will need to remember Alyssa’s advice when I feel I am not getting enough accomplished.

Other Tips;

Have multiple diaper changing stations set up in your house (check).
Stock up on freezer meals (check – here is my recipe for freezer meal French Toast Sticks).
Limit visitors in the first few weeks.
Pack the diaper bag the night before.
Get your older child to “help”.

Little Joys

I know that having two children under the age of two will be rough, really rough, but almost everyone added to enjoy the times that make having kids close in age worth the struggle.

Kristine, a mom blogger at KrisBeeMama, wanted to let me know that there are going to be good moments (or days) when everything clicks.

“They will only be small for a short amount of time (as anyone will constantly remind you). I’m just relieved that although some of my initial fears are true (like struggling to find time for both kids), I know that I can love them both as much as the other and not lose sight of either of them.”

The amount of feedback and support I received after asking for advice was overwhelming. It helped remind me that tons of parents have gone through this same exact transition and when I need help I just have to ask. Thank you to everyone who offered me words of wisdom. I will try to update you as soon as the new baby arrives and fill you all in on how the transition is going for us.