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Daily Archives: January 6, 2017

Observations & Realizations

This year has been a difficult one.  Starting next year (this Friday), I want to try to focus on being happy despite losing our daughter so recently.  But before I try to find my happy I need to get out a few observations and realizations I have made over the past month.

Goodbye My Sweet Girl, Goodbye

Despite all the fake-outs, we actually did make it to our scheduled delivery date.  On Thursday, December 3rd we started the day by having a last growth ultrasound to let the medical team know what to expect.  I wasn’t sure how I was going to act or how I was going to feel the day of delivery knowing that the outcome would most likely be devastating.  To my relief, I was eerily calm and level-headed the entire day.   I didn’t want to be the person sobbing and completely breaking down during an already difficult time.  I wanted to be able to remember everything.

What’s A Planner To Do?

I like to plan.  I enjoy planning vacations, fashion shows for work, parties, etc.  I especially loved starting a baby registry and planning the layout for the nursery.  Now that I am thrown into a situation where the plans keep changing, I’m super frustrated.  Going with the flow was never my thing.  Alex has helped me to be a little more spontaneous but one can only change so much.   I want my calendar back, one in which I don’t have to write in pencil.

View from my hospital window.
Weather is also unpredictable, imagine worrying about your husband trying to make it to your delivery in a snowstorm. This was the view from my hospital window this weekend.